Hotel Caffeineforya







 


                                            



On a dark deserted Friday
Cold, lonely and bare
I thirsted for coffee and had to haul my tired butt upstairs

At the top of the stairway
I smelled a simmering delight
Was coffee brewing in my kitchen?
’Who the hell turned off the light?

Her voice called out from the darkness
I shivered and thought, "What the hell?"
I started to approach her
’She may have java to sell

Then she handed me a large mug and turned rapidly away
There was gurgling from Proctor-Silex--
’Thought I heard her say,

"Welcome to the Hotel Caffeineforya    
Such a heady brew (Such a heady brew)…  
Why not have two?
There are plenty of cups at the Hotel Caffeineforya 
If you drink it black…(If you drink it black)...
you’ll have a heart attack "


Her voice was so familiar
She had the Columbian blend
(…Oo!…)
She got a lot of pretty dainty  filters
stacked from end-to-end
How she moaned as she drank it
Sweet to the last drop
She drank it in large gulps
She guzzled it non stop         


So I called up Maxwell House Corporation
"Please bring me French Roast ground fine."
(…And they said…)
"We’re all out of that---would you like some lemon ice tea this time?"

And still the bean grinder was grinding from far away
Coffee keeps you up at night…
Juan Velez’s burrow was kidnapped at tea time yesterday



"Welcome to the Hotel Caffeineforya
Such a heady brew  (Such a heady brew)
Why not have two?
They’re drinking it up at the
Hotel Caffeineforya
What a nice surprise…
(What a nice surprise)
...with your steak and fries "



Creamer’s in the cupboard—Sugar’s in the bowl
(…And she said…)
"Hazel nut brews are sipped by them ignorant yuppie-butthole’s
In the Starbuck café’s we gather to sip caramel frappe’ sweet
We gulp it with our lipstick mouths as we ponder what to eat."


The last thing I remember, I was asking
her for more...
I had to find the package that I bought
at the grocery store
"Relax," said Mrs. Folgers, 
"we all become caffeine addicts...
You can have another cup 
while you dunk them donut stix." 

                                            

                        JWS, 26 Jan 01
                                                                          

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